Holidays

As I prepare myself mentally for the High Holy Days in just a few weeks, I am also already dreading a certain other High holiday: Christmas. It dawned on me when I opened to perused the office supply catalogue for the holiday season. Looking at "Season's Greetings," and various other Christmas-related themes, whether religious or not, brought up in me a strange kind of dread, low, in the pit of my stomach. I found myself not entranced, but mildly disturbed by the image of a small girl holding a red and gold wrapped package to her ear.

It's not that I hate Christmas. Well, okay, it is. Perhaps that makes me a Scrooge. But it's not that I don't want to give, it's that I don't want to get. I don't want to get lots of meaningless gifts from friends and family feeling like they have to make me feel better.

That, and the fact that it's meaningless in general. At least for me. This even began last year, before I started this whole conversion process. But the symbols of Christmas really mean nothing to me anymore. What does a star mean, if it's not the thing over Bethlehem? And what's so much more meaningful about that star than another? I'd rather just appreciate each star for what it is. They're all pretty great. And it's good to have a tree in the house. I like that. I might keep up that tradition. But apart from that, I am feeling really disenchanted and not particularly looking forward to the Christmas "Season." But I guess I'll have to get used to it.

Like getting used to seeing Christian radio bulletin boards. Just because I'm not Christian anymore doesn't mean they are going to go away.