Converting

It's a weird thing to talk about converting. How do I start? What does it mean?

Well, to me, it almost seems that I am not converting. For one thing, I never believed anything else. I just happened to have been born in a different situation. In college I thought of converting to Judaism, but it seemed to me I couldn't really do that, because I had never been born Jewish, so I would never have that experience of being raised in a Jewish home with Jewish traditions and beliefs. And yet, when I look back at my experience, it almost seems that my life was in some ways preparing me for this nonetheless. Life is what you take out of it. And the things that strike me and resonate with me are things that fit the Jewish spectrum.

And in fact, the fact that there is a kind of Jewish spectrum - of belief, of modes of being, of choices and variety - is another thing that resonates with me. To me, Judaism is just another way of saying "life." They are synonymous. And any other construction of it is just another way of looking at the same story. And even though there are many stories in Judaism, they are all basically the same. Because they are life. They are images of life, of living, of people in all their dirty, grotesque, misbehaving, transgressing, and ultimately loving and glorious existence.

To identify with Judaism is, for me, to glorify my experience. Not in a bad way, or an egotistical way, to say I'm so special, or more special than anyone else. But just that I am special, like anyone else. It's a bit Mr. Rogers, I guess. But it's humility. It's a humbling experience. Because as big as my experience is to me, it is a drop in the sea compared to all that is. But it is my drop. And I can be proud of it and sanctified with it. And when I offer it up to give it to the sea, it adds to the greatness, it mingles with it, and I can share in the experience. Only when I hold onto it and keep it for myself does it become small.

That is why I want to share my experience. That is why I want the world to know what I've done, what I'm doing, and why. Not to glorify myself. And not to be an exhibitionist. But to add to and validate the experience of others.